But, how do we remain in love?
Yesterday, we were for a meeting and the whole time, my attention was divided between the meeting and the West Ham vs Arsenal match that was showing on TV. This match was important for the Gunners to maintain top 4 spot in the EPL(English Premiere League) In late March, the Indomitable Lions got their ticket to the Qatar World Cup in dramatic fashion and the euphoria from that qualification will last an eternity. Just last week, Cameroonians were celebrating the 1 month anniversary of that dramatic qualification… It has been common to notice that humans have been able to deal with the pain and disappointment their sports teams cause them(and some, on a daily) but can’t possibly deal with the disappointment from love relationships. It is commonplace that people fall in and out of love with one another, but never with their favorite sports teams et al. Which brings me to today’s question — how do we remain in love?
In an era of merchandising of love, it is hard to define exactly what love is, or what it is supposed to be. Scholars of the issue have observed and then come out with so many conclusions(some conflicting) on this topic. The average lover knows that there are 5 ways to show love, otherwise called the love languages: words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service, gifts, physical touch. With all our conflicting ideas of what love is, or what love should be, we have agreed on one thing — that all humans can have at least one love language. And while we want to debate about these issues of love, we never truly can tell because the feeling seems to be fleeting from one person to another. The idea of a perfect love is one of the major reasons we can’t remain in love. With the advent of Social Media and the PDA(Public Display of Affection), one can easily confuse showboating for love. Like we know, the grass is always greener on the other side.
How then do those who remain in love do it? What exactly is this love though? Is it infatuation, obsession or the 1001 flirtatious sensations we often have? Against all odds, people are able to have goals/dreams and see to their completion. But is it possible for men to feel love in the same way? When I compared love to the enthusiasm of a football team, I didn’t mean relationships but the selfless act of just loving someone.
When a guy tells a girl that he loves her, she asks “why?”(and rightfully so) And many people have advanced the argument that if there is a “why”, then there will be a day when there will be no “why” But while many people think there should be no reason whatsoever to love somebody, I also believe that you can’t just love somebody for no reason. But do we remain in love because of the reasons that made us to fall in love in the first place? I don’t think so. I think we fall in love for some reason but after, we have a thousand reasons to not remain in it. It becomes tough to be in love because we find fault in the very things we once used to like. The truth is that falling in love might not seem to be intentional, but most at times, it is. And as intentional as it is, remaining in it should require just as much (or even double) effort as the former.
When I see couples who have been together for 2, 3, 5, 10, 15 or 20 years, I ask(in an aside) “But, how do we remain in love?” Because love has been all, but easy. We have found what we thought was love and then, discovered that it really wasn’t. Or maybe we didn’t try enough? We should have tried more. We would’ve. Do we remain in love because the persons we love are inexplicably or inexhaustibly amiable or because we have that willpower to go through the “for better and for worse”?
If you came here hoping to find answers to my question, I am sorry I have none. I don’t know how or why we remain in love. And like you, I am hoping to find answers to my many questions.
There is love in the heart of the wickedness of men.