Daily Diary

September 29th

Dear Diary,

The bad thing about break ups is that you are sitting there all moody and grumpy and almost depressed and your mom sees something is wrong and clearly asks what the matter is but you don’t know how to tell her that you’ve gotten your heart broken — AGAIN. So you sit there and work up a stupid clumsy excuse for your present state and your mom and any other person who doesn’t know the true story, reluctantly accept it. They don’t know what’s up. They shouldn’t know. Maybe they should? Even if they should and could, would they want to know? What’ll this new knowledge contribute in salvaging your present predicaments?

The bad thing about decluttering is the memories — be it people, things, pictures or habits. When you think about all the beautiful memories you had with a particular dress, it becomes harder to let go of it. Worst of all if it was given to you by a favorite person. Then you go through your gallery and you know you have to delete those photos but you also don’t want to let go of all those memories that once were the center of your world — your center of attraction.

Life feels so empty sometimes that I feel too weak or lazy to wake up and live it — but life is for the living and I still have a mark to make. Recently, I’ve been dreaming more than usual. In just one night, I’ll dream three times. Most of these dreams are just crazy things I wish could happen — going back to the happy moments I used to have, moving past these and ones, making right the wrongs that happened and made me prefer living in dreamland. At this point, I don’t even know if there is light at the end of the tunnel but I keep moving on — if I don’t find it at the end of the tunnel, I’d have to make my own light. Because like I read in a novel wherever you go, always bring your own sunshine.

Dear Diary, keep my thoughts as secret as news can be…