Daily Diary

July 6th

Dear Diary,

They say things eventually fall in place. But there are some things that never do. You can labour a lot and for long, for no reward. Life is really unfair and when you think you can deal with this injustice, it sometimes just takes you by surprise. Someone once said that life is fair because it is unfair to us all. So I might as well quit bitching about.

During a choir session today, I realised that it’s possible to be amongst people and still not be a part of them or feel like a part of them. I don't know if I'm feeling lonely, alone or both but I have a feeling that is hard to endure and harder to explain.

I also noticed that despite how hard I try, I can’t really stop being a nice person. Social media keeps proving to us that the nice guys never get the women et al and yet, I don’t know how not to be the nice guy. I think I am forced to slowly slit my wrist until the day when I can take the pains no more - then I'll die from this too much foolishness.

Or maybe, I am too scared of the process of unbecomingthe nice guy? Maybe I just don't have the balls to do it.

I am bit conflicted and to a greater extent, angry. Why? I’m not sure. With whom? With myself, not with the world. I am the inflictor and the sufferer of this pain. I hope to do better next time.

Dear Diary, keep my thoughts as secret as news can be…