Sorry, but I’m not sorry.

Months ago, I got into an argument, or what seemed to be an argument with my Aunt in our family WhatsApp group and our relationship was greatly affected by that. She "claimed" my comments on a certain topic we were debating on, were disrespectful towards her, as my elder. While everybody else said I needed to apologize, I told them to STFU because I'd not been in a position of wrongdoing. Until this very day, I still don't find my twopence of contribution to that subject matter as provocative or rude. Long story cut short, she deleted my number after that online altercation. And how did I notice? I could no longer view her WhatsApp statuses. This is one problem a little and insincere "I'm Sorry" could've solved but anyone who knows me knows that I'm basically a troublemaker... So, I didn't apologise. Not because I wanted to spur some turmoil, but because I wasn't wrong. I wasn't sorry for anything. And I had no reason to apologize.

While studying Criminal Law in the university (a course I never even liked in the first place), the only two terms I could retain up till date are "actus reus" and "mens rea" which could be defined as the action involved in a crime and the intention of the offender respectively. So, maybe I was wrong. Just maybe. But demanding an apology couldn't have been the best way to make me know I was wrong. I had to be shown. And that never happened. She was using the argument of authority on me. We've been brought up to believe that respect is a unilateral thing(young to old and not otherwise) and that your elder is always right. We've also been brought up to believe that we need to say the magic words "I'm sorry" to solve our problems with people, even when we aren't wrong nor sorry, even when they're not genuine.

While growing up, there was this "bad" habit people always reproached me of having. They said I didn't like to apologize. They said the words "I'm sorry" weren't part of my vocabulary. Well... I have never found it normal to apologize for what I didn't do. And saying "I'm sorry" is basically saying I admit I was wrong. Question is: Was I even wrong? In our pragmatics class, they said apologies are complete only when you admit there was a wrongdoing, genuinely express how sorry you are and promise not to do it again or to make reparations for the wrongdoing. So why say "I'm sorry" if I won't respect any those listed?

This topic popped up on Facebook a couple of weeks back and along with some Facebook pallies, we all agreed that apologizing just for the sake of apologizing was, is and will always be rubbish. Arrant nonsense. Just like me, these guys don't see why they should apologize if they're not wrong. I too don't see why I'd do that. Some people have said that if you really love someone or cherish a relationship, you'll apologize to them even if you're not wrong - for peace's sake. That is their own view of life. Because once you start showing that you're always ready to compromise, they start disrespecting you more. For they know that at the end of the day, you'll still be the person to apologize. People will take you for granted and when you decide to stop being taken for a fool, they'll require an apology. They'll trample upon and kick you in the groin but you'll have to say "I'm sorry for letting you treat me that way. You could do worse. So do your worst."

This topic popped up on Facebook a couple of weeks back and along with some Facebook pallies, we all agreed that apologizing just for the sake of apologizing was, is and will always be rubbish. Arrant nonsense. Just like me, these guys don't see why they should apologize if they're not wrong. I too don't see why I'd do that. Some people have said that if you really love someone or cherish a relationship, you'll apologize to them even if you're not wrong - for peace's sake. That is their own view of life. Because once you start showing that you're always ready to compromise, they start disrespecting you more. For they know that at the end of the day, you'll still be the person to apologize. People will take you for granted and when you decide to stop being taken for a fool, they'll require an apology. They'll trample upon and kick you in the groin but you'll have to say "I'm sorry for letting you treat me that way. You could do worse. So do your worst." People will say you should apologize for having a view contrary to theirs. Lmfao... Once you don't establish it that you won't be apologizing until you're wrong, they'll continue treating you like the fool you've decided to be.

There's been times when I've been and didn't apologize( and for that, I'm sorry), there's been times when I apologized for nothing ( and for that too, I'm sorry). So when I express my views somewhere, or when I to something to someone, whom I know isn't offensive or wrong in any bit and I get something like "Apologize", all I tell them is "Sorry, but I'm not sorry."