The Burden of Conversation
In an era of cryptocurrency and digital marketing, social debates are becoming more and more obsolete as people tend to engage in the never ending pursuit of gold. They push away these topics as unimportant or less important when in fact, they are the real bones of contention. How to relate and interact with people is a science that once you've mastered, life can be easier for you. But even the friendliest people know that familiarity breeds disrespect and so, they are wary to be too present or too affectionate.
Human relationships are often guided by and molded by the principles of effective interaction and communication. For unsocial beings like me, it is sometimes(mostly all times) hard to make our point clear or even to just state them. Maybe that's why I write. Or maybe I am insociable because I write. But the truth is that even the most antisocial and snob people are somewhat attracted to discussing about themselves and making meaningful conversation with the people they fancy. Easily put, the introvert is an extrovert to his best friend or favorite person. Does this cancel the fact that some people don't know how to make good conversation? Or are there people who genuinely don't know how to interact in an interpersonal way?
Even amongst the best of friends, the burden of conversation weighs on us all like a condemned on the hangrope. We understand that topics of conversation are not unceasingly fleeting into our minds every second and so, to keep up a conversation with someone we know/love might be hard, what more of someone we don't know or fancy that much? But what is the burden of conversation?
The burden of conversation is that responsibility a person has, to engage active conversation with another person, if he/she initiated the conversation in the first place. In other words, if you text/walk up to me first, I assume you want to have a conversation with me and so, you should be steering the conversation towards the direction you want it to go. The burden of conversation requires the initiator of a conversation(be it online or face to face) to be an active contributor in the conversations that will ensue from his/her first action. Debates have been constantly held on this topic. People have argued who should have the burden of conversation. Who should have the burden of conversation? Some say it is the "texter", others say it is the "textee". Some say it is both of them. Some say it belongs to the "chatteureur" and others say it is the "chatteuree" and some say it should be both. But however we want to twist and bend and lie, the true burden of conversation belongs but to he/she who starts a conversation.
If we go by the general principle that we are all busy(eventhough it is mostly a lie), then people won't text you if they have nothing to say. My point doesn't state that I hate small talk because I myself, am small talk. But what I hate is the entitlement that comes with people who want to have this small talk. In my perception of interpersonal communication, I believe that you won't text me or walk up to me if you have nothing to say to me. And so, I find it unenchanting that I'd be left to harbour the burden of a conversation you initiated and obviously wanted.
It is hard not to point fingers when trying to make a point. And we have to apportion blame even when we are trying to play blind eyes and deaf ears. Who is to be blamed? In my experience, women never come out straight to assert their claims or state their demands. They go sneakily though "the corners" and somehow, expect the man to understand what they want(magically) Yes, I am blaming the ladies for not taking up the burden of conversation
Dear brother, how many times has that girl you are asking out or dating, or that female friend or relative texted you a greeting and left it just at that? It's not because she doesn't want to chat with you, but because by some high degree of entitlement, she believes the burden of conversation that was supposed to be hers, is now yours. When I talked about being able to make out time for those we care about, it meant going the extra length to having a full and meaningful conversation or not expecting one if you are incapable of keeping up.
But does the burden of conversation really lie solely on the shoulders of the initiator of conversation? In as much as it might seem so, there is this responsibility we all share to make conversations soothing and meaningful. So, though the burden of conversation should repose on the initiator, it shouldn't be left completely to him/her.
