What’s your relationship with neighbours?
Today while on transit from Dschang to Bamenda, I thought of this neighbour I haven’t seen in a while. In the quarter, they call her Auntie Jane. And during this brief period of remembrance, I realized that I actually miss her. It’s funny how I could miss any neighbour at all. Given that I barely talk to any of them. But the truth is that you live with somebody for a very long time such that their absence starts affecting you even if their presence never meant anything to you. It’s a kind of syndrome. While chatting with an acquaintance yesterday, she said she loves being left alone but that she hates being alone. What she meant is that she likes to hear the noise and chatter of people around her without being forced to be a part of it but she hates it when these people leave, depriving her of that privilege of being alone in their presence. I guess that is just how I felt today.
A neighbour is a person living next door to or very near to the speaker or person referred to. In a more africanized context, a neighbour is someone who lives in the same perimeter of houses as yourself. I've been pondering on the essence of human interactions, especially the ones with neighbours and I can say that I've still not made my mind up on what to make of them.
Growing up, we had neighbours who became family. I can recall Paul and Daniel. These two practically became my brothers. We used to play together and our parents always treated us as if we were all siblings. The principle of proximity states that things that are close together appear to be more related than things that are spaced farther apart. And maybe that’s why neighbours always seem to be so close to each other until one of them moves to a different location.
There is this saying that a child is only yours when he is in your womb, for once he is out, he becomes the community’s child. This used to make more sense in the past but now, I doubt its veracity. Back then, neighbours had your back so much such that you actually felt the urge to "be your neighbour’s keeper" And those days just made the commandment true: "Love thy neighbour as thyself"
What’s happening now that makes me doubt the honesty behind these neighbour relationships is the fact that neighbours have become more of gossips and backbiters, even saboteurs, than their brothers' keepers. I’ve been watching the ones in my quarter who claim to love and respect my mother always waiting for a moment to downplay her or mock at her. They are always waiting for her to fail. Gossip when she’s not around. And you can see the jealousy in their eyes even when they smile at her. And since I don’t know how to fake things, I don’t go beyond the normal greetings with them. My relationship with neighbours has not been the same since I became a teenager. To me, they’re this abstract I can do without. Maybe these are just lies I tell myself to feel comfortable about having no neighbour friend. Maybe it’s the truth. But I don’t trust neighbours.
Nonetheless, to every rule there is an exception. And your neighbour might be that brother who keeps and protects you. But very rare are such neighbours. So I won't put my hopes up, if I were you.
What about you? What's your own relationship with neighbours?
